Everything is grace
In recent weeks, I've been contemplating Jeremiah 17. The words of this kindred weeper are agonizing at times, to be sure. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, he rises up with such astonishing words of hope and trust as to give me great pause.
In chapter 17, God declares "cursed" those who trust in human strength, and "blessed" those who put their trust in the LORD. Contemplating this, Jeremiah declares in verse 13:
O LORD, the hope of Israel,
all who forsake you shall be put to shame;
those who turn away from you shall be written in the earth,
for they have forsaken the LORD, the fountain of living water.
In the face of this, Jeremiah, in a mixture of great hope juxtaposed with great despair, goes on to declare in verse 14:
Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed;
save me, and I shall be saved,
for you are my praise.
Praying for deliverance from a sinful people who would have taken his life in exchange for having to hear his declarations of doom and judgment, Jeremiah called out to God to deliver him from his persecutors.
Although Jeremiah's prayer is specific to his situation, I find in it such clear echoes of Psalm 62:1-2:
For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from him comes my salvation.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
Later in this Psalm, the writer (probably David) restates this truth, declaring to himself in verses 5-6:
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
I've written before about how we unwittingly, and even sincerely, try to "save" ourselves, doing and doing in order to attain divine favor. After having recently discovered Jeremiah's prayer in chapter 17, I've found myself muttering it over and over in the face of my own doubts, questions, and even despair.
"Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for you are my praise."
Funny, but I'm actually thankful to have to wear a face mask all day at work, for it gives me great freedom to keep these words on my lips. Job loss, a vastly dwindling bank account, costly home repairs, a beloved pet whose cancer has returned, a frustrating job search, questions of faith, health issues - these all have left me unable to retain control, a control that I've depended onfor most of my life.
"Show me, Lord. Direct me, Lord. Open my understanding. Tune my ears to your voice, my heart to your prompting. You know the best answer to all these questions. Show me, Lord. Show me."
Everything is Grace . . .
Today, on a much-needed day off, I was washing dishes when the thought occurred to me:
Everything is grace.
Everything.
And if it is not inherently so, then I am convinced He makes it so, for that is what Love does.
As I've been sorting through my life lately, facing financial decisions, contemplating selling my house to save on expenses, trying to find money for costly repairs, I've bumped into God's grace and providence in the least likely places.
"Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for you are my praise."
My pride and inflated ego have been humbled by those who have been willing to help, to just look at the finances, figure out the best course of action, even offer financial help. A dear coworker who has, himself, deeply suffered, stopped me going out the door yesterday at the end of the work day:
"How are you? Is everything okay?"
This man is a refugee from a deeply persecuted Middle Eastern country. Having to flee for his very life, he landed in America with nothing and no one. Not surprisingly, this has generated in him the most beautiful, lovely, grace-filled, generous human heart you could imagine. So, when he asks how you are doing, he wants the truth, warts and all. Just speaking the truth of it all to this lovely man felt like laying down a weight. He reminded me that we are family, and that he wanted to help - astonishing. What an honor to be "adopted" by someone with such generosity and goodness.
Everything is grace.
My dear friend who has suffered no end of hardship, who almost lost her business over the summer due to COVID, who has lost and lost and lost, has given me immeasurable amounts of time that I know is a great sacrifice for her. Working with all my numbers, trying to figure out the best course of action in order to survive. Such goodness, such generosity. Such Godliness.
Everything is grace.
Sweeping my driveway and watering my plants while feeling an unusually cool and pleasant breeze at the end of a usually hot summer month. Sensing God's nearness - a "mystery appeal" of peace, as Sara Groves sings.
Everything is grace.
At my best, I am helpless. Try as I might, I really cannot save myself. Brought to the end of who I am, with literal pennies in my bank account, and bills looming, I feel Jeremiah's words:
Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.
What else, really, is there to pray? Perhaps, as my counselor has reminded me many times, “maybe this is exactly where God wants you.” Not as a cop-out or a way to explain things away so as not to have to sit with the pain of it. But really, to speak the truth. To find the truth, Jeremiah's truth:
Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.
This healing, this saving - these never come as we expect, never easily. God never works that way - ever. There is always death before resurrection, always disorientation before new life. Equally so, there is alwaysprovidence, albeit in ways we don't always expect, ways so subtle that we blow right past them looking for the grandiose. Oh, Lord, open my eyes, sensitize my heart anew to notice, to feel, to be aware of such providence, for in so doing, I will realize it is always there, and thus I will follow in peace.
Everything is, indeed, grace.